Tailgate

There's no college football this weekend - the first bowls are next weekend - so we're going to do an all NFL Tailgate. If I'm lucky, maybe I'll outperform Bill Simmons by getting at least 6 games right.

We're just going to dive right in. The Saints and Bears are playing as we speak with the Bears leading 7-0 thanks to a kick return for a touchdown. And no, it wasn't Devin Hester, who is no longer returning kicks. Which seems kind of ridiculous since people were claiming he was the greatest returner of all time last year...Of course, this is the organization that actively employs Kyle Orton and Rex Grossman, so maybe we should give them the benefit of the doubt.

Well, let's make some picks.

Tampa Bay @ Atlanta - The Bucs were run out of Charlotte on Monday and now must regroup to face another division rival this weekend. It's hard to imagine the Bucs defense being gouged for over 300 rushing yards again, but Matt Ryan is better than Jake Delhomme. I'm taking the Falcons at home.

Skins @ Bengals - The Skins may appear to be in a bit of disarray at this point, but Zorn and Portis claim to have no problems and if there's a cure for what ails you, it's the Bengals. Cincy's given NFL East teams more trouble than you'd expect (tie vs. Philly, took NY to OT, played Dallas close) so maybe they'll make a game of it. Of course, if the Skins lose, shut it down for the year and start planning for next year. If the Skins win, maybe it will be able to build some momentum, win out and sneak into the playoffs.

Seattle @ St. Louis - Barf. What a hideous game. I'm guessing this isn't how Mike Holmgren envisioned his victory lap through the NFL. We'll give the Seahawks a win since I feel sorry for him.

San Fran @ Miami - West Coast teams playing on the East Coast at 1:00 never win. So, I guess i have to go with Miami. Nothing quite as enjoyable as supporting the team that employs Lousaka Polite.

Bills @ Jets - Both of these teams have nosedived (nosedove?) after some success led to some serious publicity. The Bills started 4-0 and are now 6-7 while the Jets were getting press as the best team in the AFC after beating the Titans but have lost two in a row since. The Bills free fall is much worse and the Bills fan I know has given up on the season, so I will too. Jets win.

Lions @ Colts - After the 3-4 start, many people were writing the Colts off. Now, they're 9-4 with the Lions, Jags and Titans left on the schedule. So, with the Lions winless and the Jags at 4-9, I think it's safe to say 11 wins are assured and a 12th isn't far fetched in the season finale. If that happens, we might be handing Peyton Manning another MVP trophy. They'll destroy the hapless Lions and won't feel bad about it.

San Diego @ Kansas City - Maybe it's my fault for not seeing the inevitable drop-off in Ladanian Tomlinson, but he really kind of screwed me in fantasy football this year. Well, him and Carson Palmer's elbow and the bevy of Broncos running backs who went down with season ending injuries. So, just because I'm bitter and hold grudges, I'm picking the Chiefs. And this is why I don't gamble.

Green Bay @ Jacksonville - As stated previously, Jacksonville is bad. Of course, so is Green Bay. I guess I haven't been paying attention, but I didn't realize the Packers were 5-8. Yikes. I'm assuming there's no one in Wisconsin wishing they still had Brett Favre. Of course, if they win out they could probably still win their miserable division. Since they still have something to play for, I'll take the Packers.

Tennessee @ Houston - The Texans are looking a little frisky after a couple wins and the Titans are the least hyped 12-1 in the history of the NFL. And in that vein, I'm picking the Texans in the upset. I mean, if the Browns can beat the Giants, anything's possible.

Minnesota @ Arizona - These teams will both most likely win their divisions then lose in the first round to Wild Card teams. But hey, at least you get a pretty banner to hang in your stadium saying you won your division. I'll take the Vikings and their roided up defensive line.

Denver @ Carolina - Charlotte is abuzz with Panthers fever, which we think started with the lesbian cheerleaders in the bathroom. Now, they're all talking about how they're the best team in the NFC and all this nonsense. Well, if they are, they have a chance to prove it with Denver, the Giants and the Saints the last three weeks. I'm saying they aren't and they lose to Denver.

Pittsburgh @ Baltimore - The two best defenses in the league battle each other. The Steelers have a better offense so they'll win. Plus, the Ravens fans that I know are jerks. Mean jerks.

New England @ Oakland - The Raiders suck. New England wins. Anyone that watches that game also loses.

Giants @ Dallas - Apparently, Terrell Owens thinks that Tony Romo and Jason Witten are conspiring to weed Owens out of the offense. That sounds like a healthy locker room. The perfect thing before a matchup with the best team in the league. Giants win.

Cleveland @ Philly - The Eagles win. My computer is about to die. The Browns are terrible.

Ok, off to watch The Office and rest up to celebrate the Skins dominating the Bengals! Bartender!