Tailgate

We're back and after a one week hiatus, the Big 12 is back as the focus of the college football universe. Thank goodness...I was getting worried we wouldn't have another top 5 matchup from some random town in South Central United States (I mean Texas or Oklahoma...not sure what that region of the country is supposed to be called other than perhaps "backward.").

So, without further ado (for the Texans in the audience, ado means no more babbling, let's play some football!). Not sure why I've decided to pick on Texas thus far in the blog - sorry RCal. Ok, let's make some picks.

#2 Texas Tech @ #5 Oklahoma

If you're a fan of the BCS, you want Texas Tech to win this. If you have any semblance of common sense or rational thought, you want Oklahoma to win so we can finish the regular season with OU, UT, Texas Tech, USC, Alabama and Florida all to finish with one loss and let the chaos help lead to the downfall of the BCS. Of course, I can't pick these games with my heart because that would really damage my impeccable prediction statistics. Why am I rambling about nothing throughout this entire paragraph? Because there's no real analysis that needs to happen. Both teams are going to put up a lot of points and whoever has the ball last should win. I'm going with Texas Tech, 49-45. This game is going to be awesome.

#4 Florida vs. Citadel

For as awesome as the TT-OU game will be, this one will be equally as sucky. Florida wins.

#7 Utah vs. #14 BYU

This game is dubbed the Holy War since it's between two Mormon schools. I'm guessing the Muslims in the audience are confused with their jihad and all, and probably the Christians too since we kind of invented Holy Wars with the Crusades. Regardless, this should be a really exciting game between arch rivals (in case ESPN hasn't mentioned it, this is rivalry week). I'm taking the Utes at home.

#8 Penn State vs. #15 Michigan State

Rumor has it JoePa procured some extra tickets for his family to come to this game, prompting people to think it might be his last game in Happy Valley. Considering he's probably undergoing hip replacement surgery in a month or so, that might be a safe bet. Whether or not he'll come back is moot though, since Penn State is just a lot better than Michigan State.

#9 Boise St @ Nevada

One of my buddies is named Bois, but this other friend of ours always writes it as "Boise" in emails and things. We're not sure if this other friend, we'll call him Schmidty, does this on purpose or if he doesn't realize he's spelling it wrong. Ok, yes, we are sure. He has no clue he's spelling it wrong. You should see the emails this big, dumb animal writes. I mean, he went to Fork Union Prison for high school. Anyway, Boise wins.

#10 Ohio State vs. Michigan

Michigan sucks. Bad. And their starting quarterback, who is terrible, is hurt so they're going to the backup. Not a good combination for a trip to the Shoe. But, OSU is no Toledo. Wait, they're a whole lot better. My bad. OSU wins.

#16 TCU vs. Air Force

Clearly, you must go with the Horned Frogs here. No analysis necessary. Or possible. I could not name one player on either team.

#18 LSU vs. Ole Miss

I'm guessing the LSU fans didn't think they'd be in a battle with Ole Miss to try to hang on to 2nd place in the SEC West. Of course, at least they aren't Auburn. Rough fall on The Plains. Anyway, I'm pretty sure I haven't picked an upset yet, so here you go. Ole Miss steals one on the Bayou.

#19 Cincinnati vs. #20 Pitt

I can never remember whether there its a double "n" or a double "t" in Cincinnati. That should tell you all you need to know about their football program and why any good coach they have moves on to a better program. I suppose its a compliment that they keep hiring good coaches, but wouldn't you rather have a coach that you just can't predict what he's going to do and therefore you know no other school would ever try to hire him away? I thought so. Pitt wins and costs Cincy the Big East and head coach Brian Kelly the Tennessee job. Rough day for the Bearcats.

#25 Maryland vs. Florida

While doing research for my brilliant columns at RealFootball365.com (yeah, I'm a paid journalist. Suck it, Journalism school teachers who said I've never amount to anything), it became clear that Maryland's really good at home and sucks on the road. This game is in College Park, so I'm taking the Terps. They're 6-0 at home and score about twice as many points at home than on the road. And you thought I just randomly picked teams for no reason...shame on you.

NFL

Jets @ Titans

The Jets are leading the AFC East and this might, unfortunately, be a preview of the AFC Championship game. Vomit. Well, in this one, the Titans win. I still think the Jets suck, but who else is good in the AFC?

Pats @ Dolphins

It kills me that I'm writing about 3 of 4 AFC East teams, but at least one of them isn't from the northeast. So, you know what, we'll take the Dolphins. The Wildcat formation won't work again for the Dolphins, but the problem is that the Patriots don't have many answers for anything. Sure, they made a comeback last week and Matt Cassell probably got himself a nice paycheck with that 400 yards and 3 tds against the Jets. But, that won't help him Sunday.

Eagles @ Ravens

The Eagles have a tie. Any respectable team would have just lost the damn game so their quarterback wouldn't look like a retard. They're losing to the Ravens. I've lost interest entirely.

Skins @ Seattle

Fond memories of lost playoff games in this one. The good news is that 20 Redskins lead the Pro Bowl fan voting, including Shawn Springs who hasn't played since September. So, while the season may be falling apart, at least we should be well represented in Honolulu...because that's what really matters, right Cowboys fans?

All right, it's waaaaayyyy past my bedtime, so I need to get out of here. Normally by this point, I'm already discussing Tar Heel hoops and have moved on from the football, but with Miami's loss tonight, there might still be an outside shot at the ACC Championship for the Heels. Plus, every UNC basketball game provides another opportunity for someone to smash his wrist into tiny pieces. Super. Bartender!

Go Heels (football and basketball)!!